My feet hurt metaphorically and physically ... I never thought my chosen path would be so hard and filled with so many twists and turns, sudden drops and sharp edges. But like the winding path a river weaves through the earth as it flows; where it lifts rocks and dredges up debris and discards them to the side; the way it ebbs and flows with the moon and tides, so too have I.
Although 10 years into this specific leg of the journey and I am beyond weary and rest seems at least another mountain and valley away.
So, I write this to give myself hope and maybe inspire others too when the journey is feeling long and tedious with no end in sight.
I don't need to go into too much detail for you to understand the gist of the past 10 years, as whilst my journey might have specific things related to only me, it's not a journey I walk alone. It's a path we all take eventually, yet still a path unique to us.
It involves uphevel, change, surrendering and ultimately allowing. It contained such things as:
☆ my identity and who I thought I was stripped away over and over again
☆ surrendering my body to what is, even though it feels horrid (weight gain and loss; pain, illness and exhaustion)
☆ discarding my career and work ideologies that I'd spent my life striving for
☆ having my body and mind tested and pushed to the limit until it disintegrated into dust to begin again
☆ questioning everything I thought I knew and reviewing my beliefs and ideas repetitively
☆ losing my passion and motivation for life and everything I'd done so far and ever wanted to do
...The finer details don't really matter...
Looking back at the path behind me and how far I've come, I can see how those twists, turns, peaks and valleys shaped and molded me into who I am now. I can see the way they made my choices choiceless and guided me in ways I never would've consciously chosen for myself.
I can see how as the path got harder to climb I had no other choice but to let go of the heavy emotional and mental baggage I'd unwittingly carried for years - baggage I would've clung to otherwise.
In hindsight I get it, I see how if I'd kept going on the low path of comfort and conformity that I would never have become this version of me or been able to rise above so much and see so clearly from a higher perspective. But it doesn't change how hard it can be in the moment. Especially if that moment seemingly lasts days or months, if not years.
In my discovered wisdom I know life is about the journey not the destination. That those twists and turns, peaks and valleys ARE life and that the path isn't always hard. There is joy to be found and opportunities to rest and catch your breath if you take them, and the strength and resilience that develops when you have to keep going builds strong foundations for the next leg of the journey.
I have gratitude for where I have come from, where I am now and intrigue and curiosity for the possibilities of what's to come - albeit largely unknown but definitely good.
My advice for myself is to stay present and aware so I can be the light for my own journey and not get lost in the darkness of my fear.
To take regular moments to see how far I have come and how the 'rough' times in the past were truly for my highest good.
Remember to have trust and faith that all of this is FOR me, even if it is unclear why.
I see how the past has shaped me and the beauty in the suffering - one day, today will be the past I look back upon with gratitude and see how it was all for my highest and best good.
One day I will know why it is this way, so in the now moment I can know and trust that it is for me, because it always was, always is and always will be.
Keep remembering: that all is well in all of creation.
Amanda Sears
The Inspired Guide
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